Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to you!

Happy Birthday to you!

Happy Birthday dear MOM!

Happy Birthday to you!

Miss you and Love you!

Some things never DIE! You are one of them!

The sky lit up the other day, the thunder roared.

The smell in the air of fresh summer rain, take it in.

8 years ago today, YOU lit up the sky!

YOU made the thunder roar!

Taken too soon, you sure let it be known.

You came into this life as a daughter, a sister a friend.

When you left us, you left as that and so much more.

For you had become a Wife, a Mother and a Grandmother.
Although your heart beats no more, the fire in your soul still burns.

You are the Angel on my shoulder, the tiny devil in my head.

You speak to me in my dreams, even if no words are ever said.

Some things never die, and you are one of them. Through our memories you will live on.

As with mine and so many others, you've touched.

In your strength and perseverance I found comfort.
My hero, my legend my Mother and friend.

Although hero's can be forgotten, certainly not in your case, it's the legends that never die!

8 years ago today, my MOTHER past away. I've posted a few blogs, videos and comments in her honor. I believe remembering should happen each and everyday. Unconsciously you are running through my mind. I don't need a specific day to toast to your memory, but some days are just harder then others.

It really did rain the other day! Two Saturdays to be exact. With that the sky really did light up bright. Just the same as the night we were robbed of you.

I know I've been posting a lot of videos lately, both home made and off youtube, but sometimes music is the best way to release and get out all it is in your mind, body and soul to which you feel.

You were never hidden in any one's shadow, and everyone knew your name. You are my hero and my strength, the wind beneath my wings!!

Thank you, Thank you, Thank God for you, without you I'd be nothing!

LOVE YOU MOM!!!!!! KEEP ON ROCKING ON, I KNOW YOU ARE!!

UPDATED: My sweet neighbor A brought these to me today, to cheer me up. Thank you, aren't they beautiful?

Break the Silence

Not quite just yet. The toast must continue for another day or so. We all deserve the time to reminisce just a little bit longer. It helps, to let it all out.

A Childs Love for their mother

There are two months in the year to which I dread, September and November. September because that is the month my Mom past away and November because that is the month she was born. I was going to write this in Sept as an Ode to her, but have this weird feeling like I just need to get it out now.

You know that old saying “You don't realize what you have till it's gone?” Well that has to be one of the most PURE and TRUE sayings ever derived. Whenever I hear someone complaining about how much of a pain in the ass their Mom is, or how annoying she is. I tell them they are lucky, at least they have someone to get annoyed and angry at.

They also say that “Time heals all wounds.” I have to disagree, as for me time only makes the wounds bigger and deeper. Time doesn’t heal! Time makes you miss them even more. In the beginning it is easier, as it all appears to be a big dream. Like it’s normal to go days without seeing you because I am working and busy, but then a holiday comes and everything is gone! The rooms empty. The last piece to the puzzle now missing and me feeling like everything you had gone through to put it together was now worth nothing.

So I want to make a toast:

Here’s to you Mom.

Here's to my 1st bra and how you embarrassed me by having dad give it to me, and how I twisted and twisted that stupid pink bow in the middle trying to take it off.

Here's to always extra long with wings and how you told everyone when I first got my period.

Here's to chopping my hair off like Demi Moore in the movie Ghost.

Here’s to you copying my Demi Moore haircut and my siblings laughing at me because we looked alike and me crying.

Here's to horsehine used in my hair to get the knots out and me fighting it, hence why you cut my hair off.

Here's to you never buying me the shoes I wanted because you thought I had too many already and me throwing a fit.

Here's to polka dot bathing suits and the circle tan lines I received from them all over my body.

Here's to you talking about my Boobs in front of my friends, and how I needed to stop touching them because they were getting to big.

Here's to late nights in the hot tub when it rained and us getting out when the lighting came.

Here’s to 5 times a day phone calls from you asking me the same thing each time ”what are you doing,” and me getting annoyed because I was working.

Here's to scary movies and you jumping at the appearance of Michael Meyers, hitting your glasses, cutting your nose and then laughing about it.

Here's to "Good Morning Law Offices of ........" at two in the afternoon.

Here's to vacations to the Beach, Camping, Disneyland and spending your inheritance to take us all on a cruise, the best vacation ever.


Here's to the naked guy on the Glass Bottom Rum Tiki boat and the same free drink of the night only it had a different name and different color.

Here's to me asking for you to bring me back a MAPLE LEAF when you went on your cruise to Canada and Alaska.

Here’s to you bringing me back a baggy full of leaves literally, when Dad knew I meant a Toronto hockey player.

Here's to still having that bag full of leaves in my nightstand by my bed.

Here's to Sister trying to pick you up from the cruise and asking if she could park closer because you were handicap and the policeman telling here "Ma’am everyone on this ship is handicap!"

Here's to the WWF and the Rock and every guy you thought had a cute a butt.

Here's to "Driving Mrs. P." license plate frames and you making us listen to the Backstreet boys, how embarrassing.

Here's to you hitting me like a girl, and me laughing when you were trying to spank me.

Here's to traveling with me on soccer trips and upon returning home, you enjoying freshly cleaned carpets and your pictures being re-arranged from the multiple house parties your kids would throw when you were gone.

Here's to knowing everything about everyone. Like when the guy came to re-model the kitchen you knew his whole life story and the anesthesiologists from all your surgeries coming to visit you after surgery because those 10 minutes they spent with you, changed their life.

Here’s to Ready Wheels and me picking you up from Dialysis after my doctor’s appointments and you sleeping on my bed in my apartment.

Here's to pushing you in your wheelchair and facing you towards a wall as I walked away laughing and then spinning you fast in circles and running down the street with you screaming for me to stop, yet laughing at the same time.

Here's to you crying in your room and me asking why you were crying and you saying "I have more to cry about then you know" and me just walking away.

Here's to paying you to do my laundry when I moved out so you could have extra money to get your nails and toes done, or was it because there’s nothing like your Mom doing your laundry.

Here's to me moving for a 2nd time and you saying "You keep moving farther away from me" yet a few months later when you passed away, we practically became neighbors.

Here’s to being the last person to see you before you passed, and to you sitting on the edge of the hospital bed almost falling off and you telling me “I’m okay, I’m just rummy from the medicine, please go home.” And to me looking back wondering if you knew what was happening and could I have helped?

Here’s to seeing you lying in the hospital bed lifeless, with a smile on your face despite the tube in your mouth and me smiling back knowing you were happy now and in a better place.

Here’s to the thunder and lightning that hit the night you passed, when we hardly ever get lighting and thunder and me telling all the babies “Grandma is pissed off!”

Here’s to old friends from my High School showing up at your funeral telling me you were the nicest person they every knew because you always bought candy and raffle stuff they were selling .

Here’s to Dad wanting a purple Rosary at your funeral because it matched his boat and all the times you put up with us all being goofy like this, especially when Dad had a big screen delivered on Sisters wedding day.

Here's to open heart surgery and the bravest person I know. For who laughs and has a good time hours before their chest is to be split open, and then ,when it's over their first words to the nurse were "I can't believe I'm alive." We never would have known you were thinking that. How strong you were to make us feel like everything was okay, when inside you thought you were going to die.

Here's to being fearless and surviving: A Heart Attack, Quadruple bypass Surgery, Diabetes, Cancer and Dialysis, just to name a few. In the end you may have not won the war (we all lose in the end), but you sure kicked ass during the battles!

Here’s to my son saying how mean you are because you keep taking all his pets up to Heaven and yet you never send him any birthday gifts or Christmas presents.

Here’s to me wishing he understood what Heaven really was.

Here’s to your life and mine being cut way to short and robbed from future memories we should be creating.

Here's to re-living it all again the good, the bad and the ugly, just to have you come back here.

Here's to the poem I wrote when you passed and sharing it at your funeral.

My Angel

Angel sent from above, where have you gone?We here miss you and hope that you’re being strong.Angel sent from above, have they taken you back to that place?Do they know we still need you, and that, you can never be replaced?Angel sent from above, would we see you again?We long for your laughter and best wishes we send.Angel sent from above, are you looking down on us?We want to feel safe and it's only you that we trust.Angel sent from above, would we always be apart?We want you to know that no matter what happens, forever you'll be in our heart.Angel sent from above, can you take away the pain?Without you traveling through life is just not the same.Angel sent from above, ensure us that everything's going to be okay.Rub our heads and say, "It gets better, you'll see, tomorrow is a new day."Angel sent from above, you were stolen from this place,If we could take back one thing it would be that we'd erase.Angel sent from above like you there's no other.We here are proud that you are our MOTHER!


Here’s to a child’s love for their Mother!

I'm not dead.......

"I'm not dead just floating, right between the ink of my tattoo i've tried to hide my scars from you. I'm not scared just changing, right beyond the cigarette and the devilish smile, you're my crack of sunlight. I'm not scared at all, underneath the cuts and bruises, finally gained what no one loses, I'm not dead just floating."

-PINK

I have a very important post I have yet to work on, but promise to eventually get to it very soon. I'm very busy with work and all, but wanted to post something letting you all know, yes I'm still alive.

In the crazy that is my life, this song pretty much sums up my morning...

Missed my alarm clock ringing

Woke up telephone screaming

Boss man singing his same old song

Rolled in late about an hour

No cup of coffee, no shower

Walk of shame with two different shoes on

Now it is poor me, why me, oh me

Boring the same old worn out blah blah story

There is no good explanation for it at all

Where the Side Walk Ends

I found this book on my bookshelf in our loft last night. It was my favorite book growing up as a child. I remember in Elementary School I was selfish and would re-check out the book week after week making it unavailable to other students. Hey back then I didn't know any better, I just knew I had to memorize the peanut butter sandwich poem.

Since the passing of Shel, I now have all of his books. I believe every child should experience the gift of reading the Giving Tree, The Missing Piece and Where the Sidewalk Ends. To me these are treasures every child should know.

In ode to my favorite childhood book, I had to share one of my favorite poems.

Where the Sidewalk Ends

There is a place where the sidewalk ends
And before the street begins,
And there the grass grows soft and white,
And there the sun burns crimson bright,
And there the moon-bird rests from his flight
To cool in the peppermint wind.

Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black
And the dark street winds and bends.
Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow
We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And watch where the chalk-white arrows go
To the place where the sidewalk ends.

Yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go,
For the children, they mark, and the children, they know
The place where the sidewalk ends.

Shel Silverstein